GRANDPA & GRANDMA TANNER.

Today is my Grandpa Tanner's birthday. He passed away a couple of years ago, along with my Grandma Tanner. They died 9 days apart from each other...that, in my opinion, is a wonderful love story..which I know still continues(:

I've just been thinking about how much I miss my grandparents. A lot of people really miss their loved ones around Thanksgiving, Christmas, ya know, the holidays. But, the times when I miss my Grandpa and Grandma the most is around the 4th of July. We used to go up to their ranch in Grouse Creek, Utah. I have so many good memories. From watching movies all day, to burning holes in plastic lawn chairs with hot dog roasters with my cousin Chaz. One of my favorite memories of my Grandma took place up in Grouse Creek. There was a bird's nest on top of the awning over the front porch. The mother had abandoned her baby bird...when I heard it chirping for help I started to freak out for hours. I was so panicked. I went to bed in tears that night because I was so stressed about it. In the morning, I woke up to my Grandma on a ladder feeding the baby bird..she saw how distraught I was, and took care of the problem. To this day, whenever I see a bird's nest I think of that memory. 

I have two memories that come to mind when I think of my Grandpa. The first was probably 6 months before he passed..I was home for lunch with a few friends. He had unexpectedly dropped by to give my dad something. My dad wasn't home so he just gave it to me. Now, before I finish, you have to understand that people in our family aren't very touchy feely. Okay, back to the story...my grandpa started to turn around and walk away, but something told me to stop him and give him a hug. So, I did. Little did I know that was one of the last hugs I'd ever give him. The second memory took place just a couple of months before he and my Grandma passed. My mom, dad, brother and I were up at their house, gathered around the kitchen table. I was finishing up some homework from English class, when my Grandpa looked over and said "Cas. You have very neat handwriting. Good for you."..I don't know why this meant so much to me. It just did. So, as you can imagine, every time I write a paper, or write in my journal..I think of him. I'm blessed to of had such great Grandparents. I miss them so much. I can not wait to reunite with them one day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!

JUST GOIN WITH WITH IT BRO.

So. I'm 20. Not that big of a deal...but it is. I have to constantly remind myself "I'm an adult...why are you coloring? Stop it." But you know what? Being a kid forever, sounds pretty good to me. We are now in the stage of marriage..careers..ya know, being responsible and crap. I don't care who you are, it's terrifying, and you know it. Because, none of us know what the crap we're doing. I no longer have a 'teen' in my age. Granted, I've been 20 since March. But, it's still a shocker to me, because I still feel like I'm 18, fresh out of high school. Less annoying though ;) ha. Ever since I graduated I've been concentrating on finding the 'right' guy. But why? Could it be because that's what everyone is doing? Getting engaged, married, and just being happy. But, why must one have a significant other to be fully happy? Why can't single people be happy? I think that we can, because being independent is satisfying. Although, I still live at home, only because I'm so freaking poor it isn't even funny, I feel independent. Because I don't rely on other people to make me happy. I make me happy. God makes me happy. This beautiful and wonderful world we live in, makes me happy. Finding 'Mr. Right' shouldn't be our only reason to keep going...it should be a goal. But it shouldn't overwhelm our thoughts every second of the day. Friends and family should take over those thoughts. If so, you won't feel down, or compared. You'll just feel....happy. A quote that I love from How I Met Your Mother (my guilty pleasure) is Marshall talking to Ted.."Ted, think about it this way. If you knew you were gonna lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it? Or would you run, and jump, and do some awesome air kicks while you still could?"...For this post, what that means to me, is if we're gonna sit on the couch moping around because we don't have a boyfriend, then nothing is ever gonna happen! We have to get out there and do some awesome air kicks..meaning, we gotta get out of our normal bubble. We gotta go to college and such places to meet people!

We have to grab life by the reins, and just go with it.

I honestly have no idea why all of this has been running through my head this past week..maybe it's a sign? Maybe it's just me, being me. I dunno..who does, really? All I know is it's a pretty darn good motto to live by. 

That's all. 

NEW DAWN.

I realize I was slightly dramatic with  my last posting. 

But, it does not change anything that I feel. 

And I do not take anything back that I have said, 

because all of it is true. 

Which is more than I can say for other people's words. 

I entitle this post 'New Dawn', because this week so far has been so very dramatic and unnecessary. It has wore me out..I'm not used to all of this drama, considering I'm not in high school any more, and I'm an adult. But, I have now realized that all of this has happened for a reason...a blessing in disguise, if you will. Over the years I have lessened my expectations for people..I have my reasons why, but they are not to be shared here. But, you see, as many of you know I have had a falling out with a few people around me, and it always makes me think 'is it me? why do these things always happen to me? do I just attract crazy?", and the answer I have come to is..yes! I do. My whole family does. But it shouldn't stop us from enjoying our days one at a time. Life is too short to care about what so called 'friends' think. The only thoughts we should be worried about is your own, your family's, and your true friends. Ladies and gents, through all of this drama, my true friends have shown through like shining diamonds. (that was a cheesy analogy, but eh) I appreciate these people in so many ways, they don't even know. My mom, dad, brother, 

Amy Nicholls, Shalei Miller, Kenzie Welker, Derek Baker, the Hornback family, and the Peine family. 

I consider these people my best of the best friends. 

Yesterday I had a pretty rough day, ain't gonna lie, and they all were concerned about what was going on. It really spoke volumes. I have found a home with these people. 

(well, my family obviously...but these friends accept me for who I am already. And don't pretend to like me to save face.) 

I love all of them with my whole heart. 

"Those who care, don't matter. And those who matter, don't care."

I AM A COUNTRY GIRL.

As some of you know, I've had some drama in the last 24 hours...some unnecessary and very annoying drama. And it's all due to some rude people who have made false accusations and judgements. This, my dear friends, is why you DON'T judge..because you only look like a jack knob. Don't assume that you know everything about someone, like where they come from, what their heritage may or may not be, unless you ABSOLUTELY know. And that means that you've heard it come out of that person's mouth. NOT from someone else. Or yourself...

I've had accusations and judgements thrown at me about being a poser and a fake...a fake of what? Of being a country girl. Let me clarify for everyone who is confused. I have NEVER claimed to be a 'cowgirl', I do not own cows or horses, I do not live on a ranch (although, I dream of it) or a farm. Therefore, I am not a cowgirl. I have only ever claimed to be a 'country girl'. Being country means you love and respect your country. You know how to treat people (especially if you're a man, you know how to treat women, whether she be your girl or not). You know what you believe and stand for, and you're not afraid to say so. You're stubborn. You take pride in being an American. You love your family and would do absolutely anything for them. You stand up for yourself. You know that boots, a hat, and plaid doesn't make someone country. It's their attitude, and the way they look at life. The way they look at their own life. You believe in God. And you believe that this nation is His..'One nation under God'. You ain't afraid to admit that you believe in God...whether it be in a room full of Christians, or a room full of Atheists. You go to church. You don't take no crap, from anyone, whether you've been friends with them since kindergarten, or if you've just met them. And lets not forget, you listen to country music non freaking stop. You love Jason Aldean, Brad Paisley, Sugarland, but also know and love the country pioneers, Patsy Cline, George Strait, you know. You love country music, but don't limit yourself to just that, you love pop artists too, Bruno Mars, etc. A country boy or girl has the courage to step in front of bullet to save a friend or family. You  know how to shoot a gun, and love it. You ain't afraid to get dirty. You know and love your animals. You love children. You have respect for the older generation. You never litter, because you respect the land you live on. You believe 'honesty is the best policy', even when it's hard to tell the truth.You have integrity. Honor. You are always polite. You remember your manners, but you will easily drop them to teach someone what's what. You will never find a country girl waiting for someone to take of her, because she already knows how. You're a daddy's girl/mama's boy. You wear cowboy boots, not all the time, because you're secure enough to know who you are without them. You love to go fishing..because you appreciate the quietness of nature.  THAT my dear friends, is what it means to be COUNTRY.

Here's an interesting little tid bit, I found the 'definition' of a country girl. It describes on what she may appear like... "Takes pride in what she does. loves country boys...wranglers,cowboy boots,hat,dusty,long hair,brown eyes..".....funny how all of them describe me.

READY TO GO BACK.

I don't know bout ya'll...but summer is becoming redundant. I'm so ready to go back to school!

I'm so excited to start...I signed up for some awesome classes. Like, Kung Fu...okay, that's the only awesome one. The rest are generals. Bleh. But still, it's gonna be great. And, all I've got to say, is there better be guys in that Kung Fu class. I'm needin me some flirtin peeps. heh ;)

I don't even know why I'm blogging this...I just felt bad for leaving my personal blog out for such a long time...I've posted in my Photography blog, and my weight goal blog...this one just looked so sad. I'm starting to sound crazy...I do believe that means it's time for a nap.

I GOT THIS!

I'm so stoked!

I have lost 6..SIX pounds! It's not much, but at the same time, it is. It's 6 pounds closer to my goal. And I'm gonna get there, oh I'm gonna get there. And I can't wait. Ah, all the awesome outfits I'll be able to pull off, feeling healthy, not feeling fat any more. I can't wait you guys. I CAN'T WAIT.

JUST DO IT.

Tomorrow begins a new day. I'm rererererestarting my diet. I say I'm serious every time. But, I've finally written down goals n crap. So I'm so motivated right now! I'm so stoked. In only 1 month I can be a size and a half smaller. Alright with that? Why yes I am.  All I have to do is just keep focused. Say no to delicious things such as chocolate, ice creams, donuts..ya know, the goods. And say yes to all the better stuff that I already love, celery, carrots, apples, oranges..THAT'S the actual good stuff that tastes great and makes ya feel awesome (: 

You guys. I'm gonna do this. 

You just watch. 

YOU JUST WATCH. 

WANTING....

Everyone wants something out of life. What do I want? Just to be successful in what ever makes me happy. 

What is that? Photography. Theater. Writing. Singing. Guitar. 

Other things I want, is to eventually settle down. Start a family. But, in the immediate future, I want everyone I know to know how I feel about them, and what they mean to me. I want to know what I mean to them. I want to take photos, and lots of them. I want to make beautiful things, even if no one cares. I want to make new friends, old and young. I want every Pillow Pet. I want to continue to just be happy!

But, what about my far fetched and unrealistic wants? Well, I want everyone on this earth to believe in themselves. I want them to feel comfortable in their own skin. Because, it simply is one of the best feelings. I want people to stop lying. I want people to trust. I want to be a country singer. I want every child to have a wonderful childhood. I want every teenager to get through their high school years without ruining their innocence. I want every woman to understand men. I want every man to understand women. I want girls to stop believing they have to look "perfect". Because they're perfect the way they are..whether it be fat, skinny, tall, short, brunette, blonde, red head, black hair, white skin, black skin, yellow skin, brown skin...you're all perfect. Because God makes no mistakes. I want everyone to have faith in Him. I want everyone to believe in miracles, because they are one. I want my dad, my mom, and my brother to live forever, so I will never have to live without them. I want a written out road map of my life, so I know where to go, where to turn around, which cross in the road to take. I want world beauty...meaning, I want everyone to know they're beautiful, and one of a kind. I want drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, anything harmful to the body, to not exist. I want the world to be zebra printed. I love zebra print. I want no one to be homeless. I want every soldier to live through a war. I want to know what it means to have perfect faith. I want to know if all dog's really do go to heaven. 

After writing this, I realize I am very selfish and that I want too many things. But... it's just what I want....(:

FRIENDS ARE..NICE?

Everyone is probably getting tired of me posting so much, but I just have so much I want to write down. 

Here we go...

Everyone needs a friend. Everyone! That's why we should never be afraid or shy away from being a friend. No matter who the person is. I mean, some times you have to be smart, you have to choose  your friends wisely. Don't want to go hanging out with the wrong type ;) But, as long as that person has a good heart, and is a good influence, then what is it going to hurt? I mean for reals guys. 

Anyway, that's all.

You're lovely. Bye.

HARLEE & ME.

It's 2:30 in the morning and I just finished watching "Marlee & Me". Why did I insist on watching this movie? Because I love dogs. But, gosh dang it, I forgot about the ending. And I have been bawling my eyes out for the past half hour. 

Why? Ya'll, why do we get dogs? They only die, which makes us horribly sad. I'll tell you why. We get dogs because "A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary" That is why we get dogs. Because, truly, dog is man's best friend. 

Ugh I feel all sappy and gross writing this blog, but I just freaking love my puppy so much! She sleeps with me in my bed. My 90 pound dog, shares my full sized bed with me..(and takes up most of it) ;)  My favorite thing about Harlee is that she refuses to go upstairs to bed until every last one of us is tucked in. It's so adorable. Also, she always knows when ya need a hug or a big wet kiss. (yuck haha). 

If every human was as loyal and caring as a dog, we would have world peace.

I LIKE THIS, A LOT.

This is another pretty religious post. Like I said, I don't normally post about religion, because I feel religion is not something you boast about. It's a sacred and personal thing. If someone asks for more information, I'm more than happy to share. But, I'm not really a fan of choking others by shoving it down their throats. 

Anyway....

Ya'll. The past couple of weeks I've been noticing changes in myself. It all started a couple of sundays ago when I went to church by myself. I normally hate doing this, but, I just felt like acting like an adult that day..(rare, I know). So, I got all gussied up, and headed out to the Institute building. I was late, so I sat in the back. Man, can I just tell you? It was one of the best church meetings I've had. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, and I love going to church with them. But, sitting by myself gave me time to reflect and think and ponder. It was wonderful. So, again, I went by myself the next week. Same experience. Absolutely lovely! 

Over these past weeks, I've been noticing that I actually get up and get ready for church without debating whether I want to go or not. I'm not sure what the change is, but I like it. I actually enjoy going. Instead of dragging myself out of bed, getting ready, and being tired and out of it when I'm there, I've actually been learning things! Novel idea, really.

I dunno, I'm just kinda on this random spiritual high right now. And, I'm likin it. (: